Friday, January 3, 2020

Perfect families do not exist




  Listening to the homily on the Feast day of the Holy Family the main focus of the homily was of a family that consisted of a Father, Mother and children. And rightfully so. Their example of obedience to God’s will, their unconditional love for God and for each other. Their immense desire to serve God and others before themselves, and their never wavering faith,  are truly saintly examples for families to live by. 


  However I cannot lie, I did feel for a brief moment,  a bit confused of my purpose not as a foreign Catholic lay Missionary but as a single mother. I also felt heartbroken for all those who were in attendance,  that could not for whatever reason  play part in the “perfect role”.  What did they think, what were they feeling? I feared that those who were present felt they fell short of being worthy enough. With a Homily totally and  intentionally directed to intact, whole, perfect families. (the ones which included Father, Mother and children) Again I whole heartily believe that it should have been this way, however perhaps I am struggling with not what was said, but the lack of what was NOT said.  I certainly feel Jesus would not have excluded so many. After all so many people my family serve (and which were attending mass that night ) must have felt a bit unworthy. Towards the end of Mass the only two complete families who were gathered  were invited to receive a special blessing at the front of the church. 


  My heart was struck with sadness as I  looked upon the rest whom were watching. What about the little 9 year old girl who walks her blind grandfather to church each Sunday. What about Jose who is 19  and loves to serve others, and who has lived with his grandparents since he was 10,  after his Mom and Dad separated and chose to abandon him while they pursued other love relationships. Or Milton who desires and prays daily for his wife and him to receive the sacrament of marriage after living 10 years together. What about all the women who attend the church without their husband for whatever reason and who pray for them in such a holy way. Or for the widows who lost their spouse but yet still must endure and press on for their children.  I could not help but to think that these people felt unworthy to be called a family after what they had heard or rather the lack of. After not being invited to the front of the church to receive a special blessing upon their little,  not so perfect,  rendition of a family. 


  I recently took a class over the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Studying and learning the importance of knowing ones audience while teaching the Catholic faith. To be sure that when passing on the “word of Faith” that it’s done in its wholeness.  Learning that it is truly important for one to know and to take in account the needs of those who we are teaching , “our audience”. The General Directory for Catechesis (GDC 145) reminds us of the importance of the principle  “to teach from the Deposit of Faith for any given audience must take into account, not only the amount of time available, but also such factors as age, education, background, and culture.” I could not help to think that It could be a possibility that the homily for the night was a bit misdirected to the wrong type of group and fell short to engage the attending audience.  However despite the shortness of the full truth,  I found wholeness and a since of purpose in our mission we have been set on here at our new post.  A better understanding of the cross I bear as a single mother and why I have been asked to carry into the mission field for everyone to see. There is honestly no way to hide I am a single mother who also has been called to serve Christ as a foreign missionary.  I am not called to carry my cross with a sadden heart, but with a Joyful heart. Walking with a since of completion and fullness, knowing that Jesus is right beside me. 


  It’s our duty as baptized Catholics to pass on the trueness of our Faith. To not water down the teachings of the Catholic Church. However there is a flip side to this. We must not be above others and so caught up in the Hierarchy of the Church, so much that it prevents ourselves from extending love, generosity and forgiveness to those who may fall short of being the living example of the Holy Family.  To exclude the teaching of Jesus’s merciful love and forgiveness,  is not a successful way of discipleship.  After all Jesus healed and  forgave Mary Magdalene, Chose Saint Paul to become a missionary,  despite the fact he persecuted Christians, and  the list does not stop there. Jesus ate with thieves and sinners. Called Zacchaeus down from a tree in order to visit with him in his home. And forgave those who nailed him to the cross. 


  It’s easy to teach from the perspective of Holiness, but from sinner to saint perhaps many of our teachings and Homilies  can fall short throughout the Church. However we must not forget the most fundamental point,  that Jesus came to save. To save the people,  that perhaps have not been born into a life of holiness, or had a loving family to teach them about God or the merciful love of Jesus Christ. He came to save the sinners.


Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" Mark 2:17


The feast day of the Holy Family should inspire all of us to become more like them. To be obedient to Gods will, To serve others, to love without conditions and to have a servants heart. That is how all families should live. Perhaps you are a single mother or a single father. Maybe you are a step parent. Or even have adopted a child or been adopted yourself. Maybe your living with your grandparents.  The fact is our families my look a bit different from the Holy Family. But we still can strive to obtain this level of Holiness. We our still worthy to do so. 


Pope Francis said that “We are all called to be saints; we must remember that holiness is a gift from God- Not something we can achieve on our own. Holiness is not granted only to those who have the opportunity to break away from ordinary task, to devote themselves to prayer. Rather, everyone is called to holiness in their own state of life. It’s by living with love and offering Christian witness in our daily task that we are called to become saints… Always and everywhere you can become a saint, that is, by being receptive to the grace that is working in us and leads us to holiness.” 


He also said at his address to Families on Sept. 27, 2015 


 “Perfect families do not exist. This must not discourage us. Quite the opposite. Love is something we learn; love is something we live; love grows as it is 'forged' by the concrete situations which each particular family experiences. Love is born and constantly develops amid lights and shadows. Love can flourish in men and women who try not to make conflict the last word, but rather a new opportunity. An opportunity to seek help, an opportunity to question how we need to improve, an opportunity to discover the God Who is with us and never abandons us. This is a great legacy that we can give to our children, a very good lesson: we make mistakes, yes; we have problems, yes. But we know that that is not really what counts. We know that mistakes, problems and conflicts are an opportunity to draw closer to others, to draw closer to God.”

   My prayer for this blog is to entice all types of families to call upon The Holy Family to intercede for them. For all families whatever they consist of , or made up of, to seek the Holy Family as a role model and as an example of how a family should live. For those who may be a single parent, my prayer for you is that The Holy Family might join you in your day to day task as you play both roles, Father and Mother to your children. For your children to not feel abandon or alone, that they have a since of a complete family. For your children to see an authentic witness in you;  of your willingness to be guided by our heavenly Father, to willing receive the Love of His Mother, Mary and to have the  obedience of Joseph to follow God’s will.


Please pray for my family. That we may be a family to all those we serve here, who do not know the true meaning of a family. We desire to bring them the knowledge and experience of what it is to have unconditional love, generosity, forgiveness and desire to follow Christ. We pray that through seeing Christ in us,  that they may have a desire to know and become more like the Holy Family – Jesus , Mary and Joseph. 


   Holy Family of Jesus Mary and Joseph pray for us!





Karen, Julianna and Gabriel Del Castillo


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