Commitments and dying

“There are some who commit themselves, but with some restrictions; for they do not trust God fully and so they are busy providing for themselves. Some first give up everything; but afterwards under the pressure of temptation, they return to what they had forsaken; and so they do not advance in virtue.”

Chapter 37- The Imitation of Christ

To each of you my heart does not desire to grumble or to write a blog that is center only on us. I can only pray that the Holy Spirit can guide my words to your heart in a way that only Christ wishes to speak. 

Since I last wrote you the mission field has become somewhat more of a battlefield.  At least what I can imagine one would be like. So many illnesses, disease, deaths and spiritual attacks around us. It seems in the last month that the poor have become poorer, or perhaps my family and I have only became weaker and feeble making it harder to fight the battle. As if the devil was not satisfied and content with just making his mark in our little pueblo and within my little family,  he has successfully sought out and has really challenged our missionary community here in Peru. With our community being afflicted with sickness, motorcycle accidents, family members deaths and the passing of a sweet unborn baby of one of our dearest families here. Not to mention the “ just normal day to day mission life”  struggles that the devil loves to over exaggerate so he can bring us to tears.

Indeed it has been a month of Self- Renunciation not only for our community but for myself as well: finding myself on my knees asking Christ how many more times must I get over myself.  Many think that because my family and I our foreign missionaries we have it all figured out. But it’s the far opposite of what one may believe.

It seems that Christ is asking me to grow even more in this virtue despite my unwillingness at times. Even though my two youngest children and I  have served in the mission field for almost two years  at times it seems like we still struggle in the same way as we did the first day we arrived to the Jungles of Peru. I personally struggle with pride, selfishness and jealousy . I look at other missionaries and think about “if only I could be more like them” or “ I wish I had my life together like they do”.  Trying to balance life as a single mother in the mission field involves home schooling for Gabriel and Julianna that many times becomes impossible because of the unexpected knock at the door from someone in need,  along with our normal scheduled ministries. All while trying to practice my spanish and prepare for bible study, sacramental prep. classes and a Sunday reflection each week for three pueblos has often been seen as a burden rather than a gift. With the never ending worry of how am I going to wash clothes, clean dishes or simply bucket flush our toilet  without water has become a permanent worry of mine.

(Yes we have been living here in the Jungle of Peru only on rain water or carrying it from a the nearby river for the last 7 months. In exception of the two Wednesdays   in a row that we were actually sent water.)

  But I know that Christ calls us to repent and repent again. To forsake and renounce ourselves so that we can enjoy interior peace. “ Give all for all; Seek nothing; take nothing back that you have given up; stand with pure detachment and with full confidence in Me, and then you shall truly possess Me”

Our families two year commitment is almost up and we could go back to living the life we had before. Always searching, seeking and wanting more of what the world has to offer. But we have been called to so much more. To enjoy true freedom of heart so that the darkness can not overshadow the goodness Christ has to offer. I can not lie in missions one can easily notice the great darkness that plagues the poor and the 3^rd world countries that we serve in. But in the wealthy United States the darkness is the same its just masked and hidden under a veil. Hiding the addictions, brokenness, loneliness, sickness and hunger for food and love.  One thing is certain that in missions you must desire to be stripped of all self-seeking desires so that we can truly follow Christ. To die of ourselves so we can live forever. It requires a constant desire to seek this freedom of Spirit.  To simply become poor and to draw close to Christ. A desire to find Christ in the poor and the darkness we live in. To firmly understand and know that yes we are inadequate and unable to live, much less complete our mission without inviting Christ to be the center of all that we do. To accept the challenged that we face with Joy and with a heart of Praise.

I have found that Christ is the closest to my family and I when we are serving in the mission field. It’s a daily struggle to die to one self, much less teach your two youngest children to do the same but the reward is so worth it.

Even though this month has been a challenge to control our human desires and to die to ourselves It is beautiful and amazing to see how Christ has been in the center of every day.

 Here are just a few highlights that have touched our hearts this past month.

The passing of Jose

Don Jose, as you know had been suffering greatly in his last month of life. He was granted heavenly peace on July 20th.  More than a month he waited patiently in pain and agony for the Lord to call him home. God loved him in such an incredible way. Don Jose in his last days was able to receive a visit from missionaries from Spain who joined us in our weekly home visit to him. The best was the fact that Sister Esilda drove two times a week to our little pueblo to help us take care of his awful bed sores and to help us bathe him. Something my children and I could not have done without her and her nursing skills. Before he died his bedsores were totally healed.  Three days later we accompanied his wife and 7 children to our small and humble cemetery. I was asked to lead the prayer for this wonderful man. I somehow still cannot understand how God can look at me as worthy to do such a thing. However standing by his coffin as I was making the sign of the cross with Holy Water I realized if I did not say “yes”  there was no one else lined up to take my place.  After I led the family members in a short prayer I assumed that someone else would get up to say something more. Something better than just my prayer,  perhaps a eulogy, however I quickly understood the reason of my families presence here because there were no other words spoken,  just tons of whaling and crying. I can not lie afterwards I was thinking where was the training for a funeral in our missionary training. I have no Idea what I was doing or how to conduct a funeral, All I knew is that this beloved child of God deserved to have a Christian burial.

Sacrament Preparation Classes

God has called 10 different youth to receive sacraments this year, so we are helping them prepare to receive the sacraments each Sunday. The three pictured stayed to finish up there work because they did not have glue or scissors at home so we worked together after learning about the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist.  Please keep them in your prayers as they will receive their sacraments right before we move to our new mission post Sept 7th. 

Preparations for the Peregrination to Shamboyacu are underway

It’s that time again, the annual peregrination from Tingo to shamboyacu is this Friday. Our youth group here in Shimbillo was asked  by Father to do a short skit for Saturday night before adoration and the concert that will take place. We have seven youth that have been practicing the skit for almost 3 weeks now. So please pray for them because they will perform this skit for almost 500 people. Needles to say they are a bit nervous. Also please pray for us as we make the journey from Tingo to Shamboyacu a  walk a bit over 25 km or 15 miles.

The gifts which missionary children receive

It’s wonderful to see the gift of music grow within Julianna. I can not tell you how much it has blessed Gabriel and I to have her lead us in praise and worship every day. Furthermore she has been an essential part of our ministries with her singing and playing. She actually sung at adoration last week.

Gabriel has such a gift of making friends, he loves to play soccer every afternoon with the kids his age. And I can always count on him to bring a friend or two over to the house for some popcorn.

So many of Gabriel friends have the bumps all over. We are not sure what they are. Poor little guys! This guy is the fourth to have theses bumps. 

New Mission Post 

Our move to our new mission post is just right around the corner. It’s a true test for the three of us not to yield to our unruly fears. Its so easy for us to renounce the opportunity that Christ is calling us to. But we must not be so willing to fall to our vain imaginations and worldly desires. We must again once more die to ourselves. We do not know what life will be like in the Northern part of Peru. We have yet reached the amount needed to purchase a truck. Although Christ has provided the monthly funds for us to maintain the truck once we have made the purchase.  We have no Idea how we will reach the people of our new mission post. But we do know that we have committed ourselves to following Christ to the ends of the earth and to preach the Gospel to those who have yet heard the good news preached and we do not desire to take anything back that we have given up. Its easy for us to become overwhelmed with all of the logistics and that is not what Christ wants for us. He desires us to give our worries to him and to live a life of Joy. Again we must renounce ourselves to find Christ.

We can merely pray that God can fill the burden of us leaving our current mission post and fervently pray that the Holy Spirit goes before us to our new mission post to prepare the hearts of those he has called us to live among and serve. We can rejoice and be confident  in the fact that it is truly the desires of Christ.

I pray that we may all see the Joy of Christ even among the darkest in our lives, that we confront the attacks of the Devil without out fear. Calling out his name and demanding him to flea our lives with a loud and confident voice.

May we all, no matter in what vocation we serve,  commit ourselves fully to Christ without restrictions, fully trusting God to provide for our spiritual and worldly needs. May we give up everything and not be pressured by the world to take back what we have freely given to Christ. May we continue to grow in this virtue. 

We would like to invite you to prayerfully consider making a special donation to help us purchase a truck for our new mission post. Or perhaps consider becoming a monthly mission partner with us. Or perhaps share our fundraiser with others.

 To make a special donation or become a monthly mission partner follow the link :  delcastillo.familymissionscompany.com

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Send us your prayer request:  karendelcastillo@familymissionscompany.com

Praying we may all die of ourselves so that we can live forever!

Karen , Julianna , Gabriel